Click here for Vol.1 of Sex and the Cyber City by Desdemona Bandini
Continued from last week’s issue …. One potential lover told me to check out his profile on a site called Jdate, a site for Jewish people to find love. I had recently dated a beautiful Jewish lawyer and was smitten by him, but he moved out of state. I was intrigued by the men I saw on Jdate. They seemed to have what I was looking for: tall, dark and handsome; educated; successful; family-oriented; and well traveled. I am not Jewish, but I signed up anyway. You know the stereotype of the nagging Jewish mother telling her son to marry a nice Jewish girl? There is a reason for this.
I made a profile, and let them know I was not Jewish, but I looked like I could be. Again, an overwhelming response. Only this time, the men appeared to be sane and attractive and listed their degrees, hobbies and incomes.
Thus began my quest on Jdate. I would log on and my screen would blow up with people trying to chat. It was overwhelming. There were doctors, lawyers and creative types. I started actually going on dates. I met a few nice lawyers, all Leos for some reason, but there were no fireworks.
I went out with one guy who had a great headshot, only to find out he was a midget and only his head was normal-sized. That was a shocker! I went out with “OneSolidMan,” who loved cooking and wanted to go to a museum. I soon found out he was bi-sexual, not at all what I pictured my next love to be. I don’t share, and I don’t date guys who like to date guys.
I was addicted to the instant attention, but was getting weary of the chatting. They all wanted to meet right away, just because I responded. They were relentless. I felt pressured. I didn’t have enough free time to date all of them. I can’t juggle men, although I tried. “JewForU” looked like Bozo the clown and started to cyber-stalk me. I got rich, old Jewish guys who wanted to be my sugar daddy. There was the comedian and the screenplay writer. There was a director for a circus, the surfer, and the investment banker.
It was becoming a blur. They were all named after apostles. How many Matthews and Davids are there in this world? I would get my hopes up, only to be utterly disappointed every other time. Mark from New York was coming to town. He called me weeks prior. When it was time to meet for lunch, he stood me up. I figured he must not look anything like his photo.
I would meet them and they would be older, fatter or boring. But mostly, they were horny. All of them so horny. Dinner and drinks and then I would have to fight them off and try to get back to my car. I was getting very tired of being expected to put out just because I showed up.
I do not think it’s a Jewish thing; I think it is an online thing. There is this assumption men have that Internet women are easy or desperate. The more savvy I got at cyber dating, the more upsetting it was. I was starting to hate all men before I even met them.
Are there no men out there who are busy like me and want to actually date and get to know someone? I came up with the three date rule. If we can make it to three dates, and I still like you, maybe I would consider the possibility of something more. I haven’t made it to three dates yet. In fact, I took down all my profiles, and canceled the dates I never wanted.
I have sworn off Internet dating altogether. That is, after I finish the two dates I have lined up next week, just because they swore they were different. And have promised not to attack me. And they are really cute. Tomorrow is another day and you never know until you try. Worth a shot, right?