Refusing a Fixer-Upper Opportunity

In Opinion

I am not a dating snob, nor am I a dating elitist.

That being said, why do women and men date people completely wrong for them under the assumption that “I can make them change?”

The Fixer-Upper Boyfriend. Everyone is guilty of this relationship at one point or another. You start seeing someone and you notice a flaw in them: they don’t work, they speak badly of women, they do a lot of drugs, they drink too much, they listen to country western music – pick your flaw. And instead of cutting your loss and ending the relationship, which you know is the logical thing to do, you continue to date them thinking you can make them change.

A friend and I were talking the other day when she mentioned her sister’s boyfriend. The couple had broken up and gotten back together more times then Destiny’s Child, and their problems weren’t getting any better.

Why?

It’s because her sister has not figured out this little fact about dating: People are on their best behavior when you’re first dating them.

Once you two have hit your dating rhythm, either they stay at that behavior or plummet. People are not like wine. They don’t get better with time. Don’t get me wrong, some people do change. But should it really be your responsibility to change them? And for that matter, why should they have to change to suit you?

Somewhere out there is a person who loves all the things they do, a person who does not see their actions as flaws.

And by staying in a relationship with someone you are trying to improve rather than enjoy, aren’t you preventing some potentially happy couple from finding one another?

If you’re unhappy with his behavior early on, get out before the feelings start to mess with your rational mind.

Most women will realize within a few dates if the guy they are seeing is right for them or not. Sticking around when you know things aren’t even close to happily-ever-after is silly and pointless.

Now that’s not to say that one should break up with a guy if he snores, works a crappy job, or can’t remember the name of the president of Mexico.

Rather, if you two have nothing in common or there simply is not a connection that holds you together beyond physical attraction, you should probably take that as a hint that it’s time to set this relationship free and go searching for Mr. Right for you.

And while there is truth in the proverb opposites attract, few last past the courting period.

The thing that we need to remember is we all have someone out there for us, someone who fits into our little mold of what we need. But if we spend all our time fixing the guys who aren’t right, then Mr. Right might just pass us by.

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