MOVIE: Twilight’s last dreaming

In Arts & Entertainment, Film & TV
Courtesy of MCT

Finally on its last entry, the Twilight film series ends its reign of preteen screams and soccer mom dreams.

Millions of books have been sold, and more than $1 billion in ticket revenue has been accrued over the romance of a vampire and his mortal girlfriend.

Allegations of sexism and influence from Mormon philosophy have marred the series in the eyes of the more socio-politically aware, but that hasn’t prevented the popularity.

This may say something about society’s view on art and how it flouts political correctness, but most fans of these flicks won’t care about that.

What they do care about is Breaking Dawn: Part II, which has Bella Swan finally achieving her dream of immortality after giving birth to her child.

The first part of Breaking Dawn was a bit of a gruesome anti-abortion PSA via Mormon brainwaves from Stephanie Meyer.

Bella refused to give up her child even though it was literally killing her from the inside and was rewarded for it by a love bite by Edward Cullen that turned her into a vampire.

What’s maddening about vampires in Meyer’s universe is the lack of weaknesses.

They can go out into the sun, they never have to sleep and they can blend into the crowd for the most part.

Stakes in the heart don’t work and they literally have to be torn into pieces to die.

Well, they do sparkle in direct sunlight, so there is that.

Word to the wise, buying a Ken doll and putting sparkles on it would cost less than the four books and even more Blu-rays required to drink in this whole madness.

Nevertheless, it sometimes has a fun method to it.

The battle sequences in the film series have been a fiery mix of vampire and werewolf letting the fur fly.

This is usually over the life of one teenage girl, which continues Meyer’s logic of creating a much ado about nothing, even if that ‘nothing’ is a gorgeous woman looking like Kristen Stewart.

Speaking of Stewart, she’s gotten a bad rap over this series. It’s not her fault that Bella is a puny human with even smaller personality and intelligence.

She’s pulled off excellent performances in Adventureland and Speak.

Stewart won’t win any Oscars with her character acting, but she has a sense of nervous realism that polarizes people.

It’s refreshing honesty in a world that wants undying smiles over anything substantial.

Let them have those empty grins.

Hopefully with the end of this series, Stewart as well as teen heartthrob Robert Pattinson can move on to less sparkly pastures.

Before this can happen, Bella and Edward’s vampire clan and werewolf allies must deal with the Volturi, the closest to the Mafia the vampires have.

It’s not clear what the Volturi represent in the Mormon-verse except maybe the Catholics, as they do hail from Italy and wear royal garb.

The Volturi believe that Bella and Edward have bitten and turned a human child, which is a crime punishable by death.

In reality, the child in question is their daughter Renesmee.

Meyer cheats, as she often does in her books, and combined Bella’s mortal mother’s name with her vampire mother’s one to create Renesmee.

It’s petty to point it out since it doesn’t have a real impact on anything, but it’s indicative of the author’s thinking.

The climax of Breaking Dawn: Part II has a battle, so at least the movie watchers have some eye candy to work with.

Too bad it’s all just empty calories.

The creator of the series doesn’t like to take chances, and that is a problem no walking and talking Ken doll can fix.

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