Congratulations, America! You elected The Donald–P*ssy Grabber, Locker Room Talker, Wall Builder–for your next president. I hope you’re happy because you’re going to have to deal with this for at least four years.
Bet you wish you had been more informed and voted more wisely at the local level. That way, you could have built on those wins and brought them all the way to the national level instead of being stuck between an oppressive two-party system.
But hey, if that sounds like too much work, just move to Canada! A one-way flight to Canada on Nov. 9 costs less than $560, according to Expedia.com.
Cape Breton’s website boasts that Americans are welcome to just “hop on a bus to start your new life in Cape Breton, where women can get abortions, Muslim people can roam freely and the only ‘walls’ are holding up the roofs of our extremely affordable houses.”
The website’s FAQ page answers the question “Is this for real?” with a resounding “Yes.”
Trump and Vice President Mike Pence want to crack down on immigration in a way that would sever children from their parents and leave more families with no possible way to support themselves. If you are an immigrant that would be in danger of this, go ahead and take a seat on that plane.
Trump has no solution to tackling rampant police brutality against black citizens, other than his vague promise to bring “law and order,” and has endorsed stop-and-frisk, which is a practice already ruled unconstitutional for targeting minorities. If you’re black, hurry on over to the airport. And while you’re at it, carpool with every other minority group too because they probably won’t fare very well under this dictatorship–I mean, presidency.
Trump has not come out in support of same-sex marriage and Pence supports conversion therapy, a practice that uses psychological treatment and spiritual counseling to “pray the gay away.” It is banned in five states, is “dangerous and discredited,” and can lead to “depression, anxiety, drug use, homelessness and suicide,” but not to the intended change in sexuality, according to the Human Rights Campaign. If you identify as part of the LGBTQIA community, buy a ticket to Canada too.
Trump and Pence are pro-life, and Trump has said that he will appoint pro-life Supreme Court judges. They support defunding Planned Parenthood, even though Trump has admitted that it helps “millions and millions of women” in other ways besides providing abortion procedures.
In addition, his sexist comments (which should not be reduced to just “locker room talk”) create a nation of men who think it’s okay to talk and behave in such a way that makes women feel objectified and degraded. If you identify as a woman, you better make sure your passport isn’t expired.
Why don’t we throw Jewish people on the plane, too? Historically, they are not fans of loud men with funny hair who want to make their country great.
Now that everyone who needs to get on the plane has been given this PSA, anyone else who won’t stand for bigotry and buffoonery should go ahead and pack their suitcases as well.
All that’s left of America will be white men led by one orange man.
While joking like this may help with the intense sadness and cynicism, in all seriousness, the biggest “f**k you” to Trump would not be a mass exodus from the country, but a drastic reform against people like him.
People who want to be proud of the country they live in should get active in changing the parts they are not proud of. That begins at the local level.
Trump was able to win because America only had two real options, and too many people deemed him the better one. If people start voting wisely at local levels and slowly building toward the national level, then we won’t be stuck with an oppressive two-party system, choosing between the lesser of two evils.